Attn: Folks At Dateline NBC'S 'To Catch A Predator'

I'm In Love With The Morton Salt Girl
Richard Peabody

I'm in love with the Morton salt girl.
I want to pour salt in her hair and watch
her dance. I want to walk her through the salt rain and pretend that it is water. I want to
get lost in the Washington Cathedral and follow her
salt trail to freedom.

I want to discover her salt lick in the forests of Virginia.
I want to stand in line for hours to see her walk on in
the middle of a movie only to have the film break and watch salt
pour out and flood the aisles. I want to sit in an empty theater
up to my eyeballs in salt and dream of her.

When I go home she will be waiting for me in her white dress
and I will drink salt water and lose my bad dreams.
I will seek the blindness of salt, salt down my wounds,
hang like a side of ham over the curtain rod in the bathroom
and let her pour salt directly on my body.

When she is done I will lick her salty lips with my tongue
and walk her down the stairs into the rain, wishing that I
could grow gills and bathe in her vast salt seas.

Attachments

There's a tangerine rotting on my desk.
I should probably throw it away,
but I've grown accustomed to the shape sitting there.
Besides, I like the way it smells.


Out of crazed anticipation for this iconic little girl's sick, twisted, and glaringly LOOMING demise ---> I followed a clue trail of my very own, which lead me to a MOST chilling addition to Amazon.com's review section referring to Peabody's sweaty, greasy collection:

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0 of 6 people found the following review helpful:
by Marilyn Monroe-Cari Hixon new Morton's salt girl, February 11, 2003
Reviewer: Marilyn Monroe (LUCAS DIGITAL SAN RAFAEL CA ART DEPT) - See all my reviews
Hello to all of you. I am Cari Hixon, the new Morton's salt girl. I have redesigned the packaging and put yellow rain pants on me, to bring up to date, also the package has rained etched all over container now. I would like to represent the Morton's salt company with a new name, Morton's, not Morton, and a real person behind the little girl, I know this was probably a real person, but I believe I would be better at it. This book that Richard wrote is fantastic, and I'm sure he would like to write a sequal with the new logo, which is the same but better, and with a real person behind it, with more rain and yellow rain pants, and a real person behind the new name Morton's, me, the salt girl, Cari Hixon
######

IT CERTAINLY WON'T BE LONG -----> UNTIL HE FINDS HER!!!!!
...Well, she wrote this back in '03... BUT -----> HAVE YOU GUYS BEEN CHECKING?????

Uhmm, so yes. The slimeball teaches at Johns Hopkins and lives in Arlington.

Have at it.


ADDENDUM:
The greatest crime of all would be to put a veritable fashion muse in "yellow rain pants".

In the immortal words of young Donald Hyatt:
"Blooooooop. Put another quarter in and try again."